well hello my darlings! it's now 4:45 AM. why am i not sleeping? well my mind is racing. i'm getting my hair bleached out tomorrow so i can put pink in it. i really don't give a shit, my hair looks terrible anyway. i'm excited about summer vacation. no army stuff for a while, so i thought, well shit! let's go get some manic panic and have a party!
and so i'm terrified that my hair will look worse than it already does. now i'll never get another boyfriend. i've been single since october. i have this terrible habit of being attracted only to guys with major issues, then when they start to annoy me, i give up on them. it's a cyclical sickness. flirt, date, get bored,dump, repeat.
of all the annoying people in the world, i think i am one of the most annoying. i hate my voice, the way i dress, my laugh, my attitude. and no matter how much i change things, there's this unrelenting self-loathing.
the only time i like myself is when i'm in my army uniforms, doing what i'm told...
oh well. i suppose that's why i can't sleep.
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"the only time i like myself is when i'm in my army uniforms, doing what i'm told..."
ReplyDeleteSubmissive type much? Hmm... self loathing seems to get worse the longer you are single, I've been in a relationship for 8 months now and I've turned into walking penis, so much so that I can barely remember the humble geek my friends keep reminding me I once was. But what do they know...